Part 20 - Me n my bonce

So now I trunkless and now eating and drinking! Still just the one thing holding me back - my tracheostomy! Just when and how would this be coming out! I felt like I needed a date to work towards! This tracheotomy  was pretty much coming to the end of its life so I needed it to be changed as they only last so long! More panic and worry! Will this mean more surgery? Anaesthetic? Will there be a hand to hold? I was told when it would be happening and mum and dad both made sure they were there that day! A doctor, an anaesthetist, a nurse in blue scrubs and a nurse in red (red to me is danger so made me panic more!) arrived in my room with equipment! Lots of equipment it looked scary! More stickers over my chest to monitor me, oxygen measurer thing on my finger and laid me flat with a towel rolled up under my neck to stop me mec-a-necking and to get better access! Being quite squeamish mum left the room and waited outside my room, dad was with me holding my hand. The doctor carrying out the procedure had possibly the worst bedside manner of everyone I had come across at Kings (maybe minus the one I hallucinated about and kept giving evils too) she didn't explain anything to me, my speaking valve had been removed so I couldn't talk, my dad the only one who knew how I was feeling and could tell I was distressed, held my hand and looked at me and explained to me everything they were doing! The inner tube taken out and a long stick thing in its place, my old trackie was taken out, felt strange in a good way! Then the other one (new one) put in I just remember choking loads, my dad was telling the doctor I needed suctioning and was passing me my yankeur and doing it for me in the end as she seemed a bit stressed! Then I had new foam neck tie put on whilst still coughing my guts up! Phew thank god that was done! Speaking valve popped back on, no no take it off! What's happened? I couldn't breathe out now with the speaking valve on which now also meant I couldn't speak again! Really frustrated and upset now I just cried with my mum and dad, why is all this happening to me? What was causing this? Nurses came and the sister, inflating and deflating the cuff just to make sure but I still couldn't breathe out at all! Maybe it's the swelling? But now I was unable to eat and drink again too as I needed the valve to eat and drink as told by speech and language therapist! I felt like I'd gone back a month and dreaded the thought of having to have another NG tube fitted! I was hooked up to fluids through my pic line as had been nil by mouth since the night before and was getting dehydrated! That night I also had problems with my catheter again, once my nurses had sorted everything it was about midnight and I was shattered, such a long day! I had to wait until tomorrow to reassess what had happened! The next day and still the same thing, I had the doctors and nurses baffled and myself in bits! My speech therapist came to see me and did so e swallow tests which was a success! Thankfully it was still safe to eat and drink though not talk! Because I didn't have my speaking valve on I couldn't clear my throat or chest properly so I needed a lot more regular suctioning! ENT were booked for Friday to come and see me with their camera again! Until then I would be mute again!!!