Part 14 - Me n my bonce

So after all that nonsense I continued with daily leg and arm raises, physio was now using a rotar stand! How exciting standing by myself I thought! But bloody hell was it hard work! How can something as simple as standing take so much effort?! So in wheeled the rotar stand.... Surely there is no way that is going to help me or be able to move me! I put my feet (still in sexy surgical stockings) on the plate and held onto the rounded handle bar (looked like the front of an exercise bike well without the bike bit if that makes sense! Or a sack barrow as my mum and dad used to call it!) rocking back and forth 1, 2, 3 up she goes! Wow! I have actually just stood up by myself! No hoist, no strap or machine pulling me! I had done this, me, clever moo! More massages it was obviously working!!! If I keep on like this I may just be able to go to Vegas with my friends as planned in September! Vegas baby!!! The ear, nose and throat (ENT) specialist came to see me along with the speech and language therapists. I wonder what's in the briefcase?! A portable endoscopy! Where was that going, after everything I had been through this worried me, the only time one of those had been near me was about 10 years ago when I needed nasal surgery, my canals were drilled out as they were non existent! But hey that's probably a whole other blog!!!! So because of my previous experience I tensed up as I knew this hurt me before! My speech therapist knew I was worried and tried to calm me down, guess what, I asked for my hand to be held again too! This still didnt stop me panicking and going boss-eyed as he neared closer with the endoscope, watching it go up my nose, just how far is he going his elbow will be up there soon! Not only was he putting this up my nose, he was using the same nose hole as my NG tube! Surely there would not be enough room? The feeling of wanting to sneeze was immense! So much so he had to take it out, he couldn't see what he needed to due to secretions (snot and general gunk) Aha I had a bright idea (well not surprising as I do have a large brain after all!!!) why don't I use my yankeur to suction my nose to clear it? (Sorry but yeah it really was as gross as that!) try it the ENT said so I did, he re-tried the endoscopy but still couldn't get through the gunk! Prognosis - steroids, this should dry them out, we'll see you next week! Really! A whole week before even reassessing me! I cried! No pain I wasn't hurting physically but mentally I was dying! There was no light at the end of the tunnel! All I kept thinking was I can't walk, I can only talk when I have my speaking valve on (it shot off if I coughed too hard!) I have a plastic tube in my neck, shaved bits of head, a tube up my nose, my eyebrows needed waxing, my leg hair was re growing and now excessive snotty mucus not nice stuff and swelling still of my upper airway! Vegas was I write off! Gutted!