Part 1 - Me n my bonce

So for about 3 years or so I have been diagnosed with lots of ailments and going to see numerous consultants and specialists for different reasons! Firstly something I've always kept quite quiet out of embarrassment! I was diagnosed with sleep apnea, not the usual obstructive type but central sleep apnea which is signals from the brain not telling the body to breath whilst sleeping! Off I went to St Thomas' to have sleep studies and was told my case was "interesting" but nothing more so off I went with my CPAP machine and enabled me to sleep! Woo hoo waking up feeling refreshed was amazing! Then came breathing problems, so again off to the doctors I went peak flow tests, huffers and the nurses convinced me and each other I had asthma! Until a visit to A&E with a nasty chest infection and a doctor told me I did not have asthma and there was no rattle on my chest at all! Back I went and the same asthma nurses that diagnosed me then said well if you don't think you need it don't take it! Helpful! Still nothing done and just left it, I put it down to me being a smoker and unfit! Then dizziness, feeling like I was walking to one side, walking into things, feeling like my head was shaking but actually perfectly still? What an earth was happening to me? I could deal with this until I kept falling down the stairs! One time so bad a whole bum cheek was bruised black and blue (that's a whole lotta cheek to bruise!) so again off to the doctors, guess what I need my ears syringed! Ok I could deal with that, olive oil in my ears daily and back I trotted in 2 weeks later for nothing to come out! Odd the nurses said! So just keep an eye on it! Still it happened and still my doctors were baffled! Then came the choking! Drinks, food basically anything I tried to eat or drink would choke me back off to the doctors (now feeling like hypocrite) and referred to a gastro-something-ologist. Come back and see me for a barium test to see if there is a blockage or something wrong with my food pipe! Up the hospital I go in the X-ray machine swallowing awful liquid, everything's fine they said, we will book a follow up with your consultant! I tried to carry on as normal, walking into things, getting pins and needles in my hands and feet, legs feeling like lead and it taking all my energy to walk! I really didn't understand what was happening?! Now started the headache, so bad I had to lay down with a blanket or pillow on my head until they went! If I sneezed or coughed too hard I would be knocked off my feet having to make sure I was sitting ready and waiting for these to happen knowing an awful headache and massive dizzy spell would follow! Am I imagining these things or is there something seriously wrong? In the end mum and dad took me to A&E! "Possibly a brain tumour" nonchalantly said the doctor, go to Darenth for a emergency scan! So absolutely devastated and convinced myself I had a brain tumour and would never lay down again like the elephant man we drove to Darenth Valley, to be put in a cubical gowned up awaiting an ECG, scary stuff! I could hear the doctors and nurses outside talking, the lady in cubical 2 who's had a stroke, hang on I'm in cubical 2! That's me!!! OMG WTF and all the rest! A brain tumour and a stroke, wow busy night!!!! Non of this was sinking in lots of sight tests, ECG, pee tests to be told I need to see a neurologist. But it's not urgent go to your GP who will refer you! The very next day I went to the doctors and got referred. 3rd January 2013 I saw my first neurologist Dr Fiona Norwood! I will never forget sitting waiting outside her room wondering what she was going to tell me, absolutely petrified! Danielle Chisholm she called and in I went, my life has not been the same ever since.... She seemed to know what was wrong with me straight away! Chiari Malformation (that's posh I thought!) the kinda posh you don't want though! Booked me to go for an MRI to confirm. February! Wow that's a long time and gives you far too much time to goggle what this posh thing was! Absolutely petrified my MRI scan day came around! 40 minutes in the scanner my brain and neck both being scanned, loud banging, knocking and clunking (I'm sure anyone who has had one of these knows what I mean) didn't even get to listen to my Now CD I took with me! Your neurologist will be in touch if there is anything found if not they will see you at your next appointment in April! March came and went then before I knew it my next appointment was here! No news is good news we all thought although I was now like a permanently drunk person walking into things and now slight slurred speech had kicked in. Danielle Chisholm called Dr Norwood, in I go! Then she tells me I haven't been sent your scans yet let's have a look.... Viewing the inside of your skull on a computer screen is a very weird thing indeed! My neurologist did not seem happy! Well I'm not sure why these haven't been sent to me sooner as I would have called you in sooner! You have Chiari Malformation and a possible split in your spinal chord! WHAT?!?!?!? I will refer you to Mr Chris Chandler (all I kept thinking was Bing!) he's a lovely American guy at King's hospital, he's the top of his game and has been on TV too! He will need to operate she said! More googling Chris Chandler, big curly hair apparently aha there he is! Then late May I got a phone call from Mr Chandler's secretary, we have a slot and Chris would like to operate next week, there will be no time for a pre appointment but he  will call you for a phone consultation this afternoon! Fags picked up from desk outside I went smoked about 3 whilst letting this sink in called my mum burst into tears on the phone and she sent my dad round to work to pick me up! An absolute mess I left work that day, stinking of fags, mascara run and probably a little bit of snot on the go too! Classy as always Dan!!!! So much to think about phone consultation went well and I was booked in! All that was left to do was buy new hospital appropriate pyjamas, have a pedicure and my nails taken off! After all I will only be in 5 days!!!!!