Part 29 - Me n my bonce

A normal day of being woken by singing nurses at the nurses station at too early o clock, physio, listening to moaning minnie, and choosing which delightful menu I was going to have I was finally told I was moving to my own room! Woo hoo! Away from Mrs moany and the lady who still kept asking me about my triplets! (Who by now had also progressed to asking me if she missed her plane and folding a tissue and putting it in her pocket as a passport! And even worse kept stealing my zimmer frame!) the sister in charge asked me if I wanted to wait until after lunch - nope I'm off now please! To my surprise I even had my own toilet AND shower! It had taken me 4.5 months but I'd finally got my own room and proper ensuite (no commode in site) also I got to watch my TV without earphones in as I wouldn't be disturbing anyone! Bliss! I called mum after I transferred my phone and TV over to my new abode and told her as I knew she would panic if she came in and I wasn't there! Unfortunately the room I was moved to is where Junior (the wannabe security man of the ward) friend used to be! Needless to say I got visited by him, sometimes scaring the hell out of me if he just appeared "hello my friend" he'd screech in his screechy voice! He was always be on guard when I walked up and down the corridor when I was showing off my walking with a zimmer frame skills with any visitors that came to see me! He always used to have a massive grin on his face. I felt quite sorry for him as by the nurses station there was a board with all the patients details - he had been in the rehab centre since May 2013! I thought I had been on a long journey! The rehab ward that I was on was for neuro patients, mainly the people on the ward had had strokes and it was awful to see some peoples struggles, even though I felt helpless and like I could not do anything for myself it made me appreciate just how lucky I was to be here let alone learning to walk again  I at least had my voice which was a lot more than some other "inmates" on this particular day I saw a young girl admitted aged 23! She had had a stroke too and although could shuffle around could not communicate at all.
I was also visited regularly by one of the volunteers on the ward. She too had mobility issues with cerebral palsy and was permanently in a wheelchair, her sheer determination too was an inspiration. She was raising money for the rehab unit by taking 10,000 steps (not in one go but using the parallel bars - this was a huge challenge for her) she often visit me (I think I was her favourite - well she's only human!!! Haha) we'd chat, play cards, talk about films and going out and she would tell me about her social life - which was pretty jam packed! She would often come to my extra gym sessions with me and we would play catch with a big gym ball bouncing it between us! We both discovered we were pretty awful at aiming but all the better Physio for me having to bend and pick the ball up. She also lent me DVDs which I could watch on the laptop that the ward lent me too! I had forgotten how much I liked the prison series Bad Girls!

Part 28 - Me n my bonce

I made the most of my time being allowed out and stayed out as long as possible in the hotel bar after the wedding! Even though I was only drinking tea (you will hear later that this has been rectified too!) I stayed up until about 2am laughing n joking and someone (a stranger!) asking to have a go in my wheelchair! Dad had booked a disabled room in the hotel so I was so looking forward to having a shower in the morning! That night I only woke once for a pee! My poor mum half asleep helping me to the loo and back as I walked like Frankenstein with a soiled nappy! (My hips were still very stiff, one of the physio's had also told me to imagine a football between my feet - hence the odd walking!) The taste of freedom was amazing this weekend but it also made me realise just how little I could do for myself! Even down to my hair! I also hadn't yet mastered how to disguise my tufty bit of hair, but now have it sorted! I think! Final goodbyes at the hotel and a laugh at my newly married cousin and his wife as they forgot their overnight bag so were incredibly overdressed at breakfast in complete wedding attire! My curfew was drawing nearer - 6pm I had to be back to the nut house! Moaning Minnie next to me, the woman opposite still asking how my triplets were and Junior (the hello my friend - waving man) still being security on the ward! Oh how I hadn't missed this place! Had I gone crazy and no one was telling me! I was allowed out every weekend from then onwards which was great as I got to see more and more friends who would visit me at home but also made me hate Sunday afternoons as I knew my curfew was coming! One particular day all my diamonds visited me, some fantastic news one was expecting her first baby! How exciting!!! Something more to look forward to! We all couldn't stop smiling, especially after we thought she was joking!
I was originally told my leaving date by one of the physio's - 30.10.13, I got a bit upset as they wanted to keep me another week! I made sure that the next date they gave me was correct 06.11.13 and early birthday present as it was my birthday the next day! Although they kept saying I was doing really well I felt this wasn't a good sign but they wanted me to build up my stamina more and as a rehab centre I was in the right place! A full on structured timetable of physio, occupational therapy and hydro! Wow hydro was so tiring!!! I love swimming so when I was told I would be having hydro I could not wait! Thank god i'd been waxed I thought! I though tights were hard to get, but my goodness a swimming costume when you can barely stand! Luckily my mum came in early that day to help me get ready! She closed the curtains and operation swimming costume began! Turns out that was a physio session in itself! Me and mum were laughing so much that a couple of nurses came round to make sure I was ok as they could hear me at the nurses station! The porter came and got me and off to hydro me and mum went! Well it was a lot smaller than I imagined! How an earth am I going to get up those steps I thought?! But no of course there was a hoist! A chair which then lifted you high in the air then lower and lower until you were in! It was so warm it was like standing up in a bath! Still petrified of getting my hole (tracheostomy hole) wet I did want to get my neck wet which proved difficult! Just walking in the water was tiring enough but now I had 2 physio's waving floats underwater from either side challenging my balance - I felt like I'd had a night on the tiles! The getting out was just as undignified, in the hoist but had to wiggle my bum in the seat to get rid of the excess water as the seat had no holes in it! Wheeled to the shower  and then get dressed all of which mum helped or practical did for me! (I think this physio was more hardwork for my mum!) then back to the bay! I was shattered! Hydro is fun but really draining! After about an hour being back moaning Minnie next door was too much so mum wheeled me to the restaurant where we ended up going most afternoons for a cuppa splosh and a bit of cake!

Don't look if you're squeamish!

Well I have finally plucked up the courage to look at my pictures and now feel I can share! Some of these as you know from the blog I had no anaesthetic! Tough bird or what? 

 A fascinata can hide a multiple of sins! The below pictures are from my brain drains, unfortunately I didn't get proper 'fresh' pictures of my zipperhead scar as I was so out of it in intensive care!

Part 27 - Me n my bonce

So an hour and 15 minutes of waxing! Again my poor mum beside me helping me turn and lift my legs to wax all the way round and dad having to wait out in the car! The place I use are ever so nice and told me if I needed it done again whilst in rehab as long as they could use a microwave they would visit and de-fuzz me, they also gave me a gift certificate for a facial for when I am out and able to!
I struggled with mum back to dads car and we get fish and chips! Oooohhh a chip buttie!  It felt like I was tasting everything for the first time again! By now I was absolutely shattered but I still had to see what I was wearing tomorrow! Whatever it was it had to match my black and pink fascinata to hide the mullet I was now sporting! Luckily I had a few black dresses in several sizes and just so happened to also have a pink coat and bag to match too! Now for a challenge I feared!!!! My stairs! These had been a nemesis to me before I had even had my surgery, the amount of times I had been dizzy and slipped or just fell down them I now had to climb them to sleep! So now with my crutches and my mum infront of me, my dad behind me they helped me get up the stairs! Wow, chuffed I actually made it up them, never mind the fact I was now absolutely cream crackered I had climbed a flight of stairs! I had only tried 1 stair at rehab so this was a record! I was now completely ready for bed! As my bedroom was on the second floor at home and I needed help getting to the loo during the night as my bladder was now the size of a peanut I stayed with my mum, dad vacated and slept in the spare room! An actual real bed! So comfortable I couldn't believe it, this was luxury! Before I knew it it was the morning and it was all systems go! As my shower wasn't yet adapted for me I had a wash down (strip down sloush as me nan would have said) and mum washed my hair in the sink I got dressed again with help from my mum (tights were awkward to get on anyway let alone now that I could just about stand on my own, I felt like a toddler, holding on to my mums shoulders as she rocked me backwards n forwards pulling my tights up n up n up until just below my bra - just where I liked them to be!) Mum still hadn't had a chance to get ready as she literally had to do everything for me, so while she got ready dad was in charge of blow drying my hair! Dad hadn't done this for me for about 20 or so years! But since I couldn't even do my own bra up I needed him to do it and he was willing and oh so very gentle! Mum straightened my hair, fascinata was positioned, make up was on, I was ready! Folkestone here I come!!! We drove down to the hotel we were staying in dropped off the bags and went onto the venue! Typical English weather the heavens opened! I needed to get in my wheelchair that rehab had lent me! Armed with big golf umbrellas and a few laughs along the way and dad pushing me like we was on a formula 1 course (complete with pot holes and puddles) we made it to the castle and was greeted by the toastmaster who I must say was fab! They wasn't expecting a wheelchair user but within moments ramps were put out for me. It was really emotional, I didn't believe I'd be strong enough to get to the wedding but here I was laughing and joking and generally being 'Dan on wheels' was lovely to see the family and be part of my cousins special day!

Part 26 - Me n my bonce

I had already missed birthdays, Father's Day, a family holiday, nights out, nights in, BBQ's, a trip to Vegas and a retirement doo! There was no way I was missing my little cousins wedding (I say little, although he's about a foot taller than me!) I had already spoken to the sister previously at hospital to get released for the day so when I was at rehab they knew about it too! My giant doctor had agreed my home leave for this too! Woop woop! It meant working harder to ensure I was strong enough and had enough stamina but I didn't care I was going! So now I needed an outfit! All I had worn for 4 months was hospital gowns, pyjamas and track suits! I had no idea even what size I was! Fortunately I have a wardrobe spanning about 6 dress sizes so had a variety to chose from! One of my diamonds was getting me my tights! I still had the issue of cropped hair on 1 side of my bonce! Fortunately at weddings fascinatas are acceptable, plus I had a nice big pink and black one already! I already had pretty flats as I hadn't been able to wear heels for quite some time! Pretty much sorted then!
My physio's at rehab were obviously aware of the upcoming nuptials I was going to in Folkestone so we practised standing for longer periods and walking holding onto hands for balance and building up my stamina. On a particular day whilst standing within the parallel bars my physio's tasked me with standing and waving to ensure the other movement didn't throw me completely! I was managing to do this alternating my hands when another guy from the rehab centre peered behind a post, waved back at me and in his amazing distinctive voice said "hello my friend" well good job I had the bars to hold onto as it really made me laugh! A comedy gold moment which I suppose is more funny if you were there or knew his voice!
I asked for extra sessions in the gym whenever I had free periods, I joint activity groups and even the wii group. I was so determined to get out and to be at the wedding! One day at wii group (not band camp for any American Pie fans!) we were playing wii with the physio supervising, getting on and off the wii board using crutches now I was showing off! But that is where it ended as I came last I think for all wii board balance games! Mind you the result was we were all unbalanced so I wasn't miles behind! Then came the bowling! I had always managed to have a good technique for this, I took my turn.... STRIKE! Woo hoo! Passed the wii mote and we all took our turns! It wasn't until about the 3rd round of turns I realised and said something! "Oh look we are all left handed!" As soon as the words left my lips I realised something! Their right arms were in slings!!! The guys I had been playing with were all stroke victims!!! It was awful I wanted the ground to swallow me! I apologised profusely whilst blushing! Thankfully the group was nearly finished anyway and I returned to my bay.
So not only had I managed to wangle leave for the wedding, I was allowed out for 2 whole nights! I could leave on Friday afternoon and my curfew was not until 6pm Sunday! Wow the freedom! First thing I got mum to do was call and book me a waxing appointment! My first stop from rehab was to be de-fuzzed! No more wuki Dan! Even if I was in there over an hour it was the best hour I had endured over the previous 4 months!

Finally some pictures!

Ok so here's the first of some pictures...

My tracheostomy....

The white part was the bit in my neck, inside was another tube well that just really collected gunk! The smaller tube was fitted to the end of the tracheostomy and was called a Swedish nose! Not sure why I'm sure Swedish people do not have odd shaped noses!!! I must add this is not the actual one, this was one prepared to go in if things went belly up when finally taking it out!

The first picture of my neck belly button! Sorry if you are squeamish, getting a bit fed up of wearing scarves now though!

Apparently Catherine Zeta Jones also had a trackie! I have never noticed her neck dimple but sure as hell look out for it when I see her on tv or in pictures!

Part 25 - Me n my bonce

Great timing the physiotherapist I was assigned to was off on his holidays - how very dare he! But in his place I was give another lady who I must say was fab and we really had a good laugh as I would just tell her as it is! I was also assigned an occupational therapist for day to day task practice to resume my 'normal' routine. I was also given a speech therapist slot but fortunately (maybe not for others) by now my voice had returned to normal as well as a psychologist appointment! Really was that necessary or am I now completely bonkers? Apparently this was a routine appointment that everyone had and she was very impressed with how I had been and was continuing to deal with everything going on! So was no longer needed to attend 1-2-1 sessions with her. It was strange saying I'm going to the gym for a session! No not a pumping iron one like you expect, neuro rehab gym had parallel bars, plinths (bed type things) running machine a couple of exercise bikes and what looked like a set of stocks which was actually a standing frame! We had 1 porter for the unit who was lovely and always collected you with a smile in the wheelchair and comment on how well I was transferring to it! He would sit and wait with me in the gym awaiting Physio's to arrive. One of my first sessions was on the plinth with my replacement Physio and an assistant, I was sitting on the plinth using a gym ball to stretch when they thought lets see if I could kneel! OMG I could just about sit! So I laid down, struggled rolling over (still trying to keep my neck still as I now had a big hole in it!) then attempted the push up on to my knees! Sounds simple really! Well I had absolutely no strength (and I mean none, zilch, nada!!) both the physio and assistant had to help me and pull the top part of the plinth up so I could push on it! I think they then realised (as well as me) just how pathetic my strength was! How could I not kneel?! Something so easy? I'm never going to be 'normal' again and be able to get out of here! It was quite upsetting as when you don't try something but your mind is fine you think, yeah that's not a problem I can do that! Oh how different it is from thinking it to doing it!! So the belly button on my neck comment which your probably thinking what the? I had now no plaster on my tracheostomy and still hadn't looked at it myself when the physio's wanted to check it out to see how it was healing, I asked what it looked like and the assistant quite simply replied... It's like a belly button but on your neck! Wow I really have to check this out now so when I got back to my bed I went to the toilet to inspect my neck. Sure enough if looked like a belly button! Or as I later referred to it as 'me hole' but had to be careful where and how I used this term for obvious reasons!